Tips to Help The Friends in Bad Relationship

Tips to Help The Friends in Bad

Relationship

Help the friends in  bad Relationship


If you've ever had a friend who dated someone terrible, you know it's no

fun watching them go through a toxic relationship. Getting your friend to

see what you see can definitely be a challenge, and sometimes we

don't really know what's best for them.


So we asked the experts for their advice on what to do, how to approach

the conversation, and how to support a friend by respecting their

decisions:


1. When abuse occurs, take an active approach.


Remember that abuse isn't just physical, it can also be emotional or

verbal. If the reason you don't like your friend's partner is that they

see or suspect abuse in the relationship, it's important that you don't

take a passive approach.


According to licensed marriage and family therapist Tiana Leeds,

M.A., LMFT, you'll want to share what she observed from a loving and

supportive place.


"Be aware that your friend may feel a lot of shame about being in an

abusive relationship, so coming forward without judgment is key.

She adds that abuse often lowers self-esteem, so thinking about their

value to them can go a long way.


It may take time for your friend to be ready to accept the reality of what's

going on and to take steps to end the relationship, so let them know

you're available to talk or help when they need it. 

Here's our complete guide on how to leave an abusive relationship.


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2. Clearly explain why you don't like this person.


If the abuse doesn't exist and you're just not that person's biggest fan,

clinical psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, advises honestly thinking

about why. Sometimes, she explains, we project our own standards

onto our friends, and no matter how well-meaning they are, your friend

may not have the same standards or may not be in a place where they

are. is ready to raise them.


Leeds echoes that point, adding: "Often our own tastes in a partner

can vary so dramatically from those of our friend that what matters to

us in a friend's partner may not be an issue for them."


From her reflection, she can determine if the perceived problems in

their relationship are worth bringing to her attention.


3. Approach the conversation very delicately.


If she decides to open up the conversation with her friend, Leeds

and Neo emphasize the importance of doing so very gently. For

one thing, says Neo, if your friend has already become attached to

her partner, getting her to understand your point of view won't be

easy and could cause a rift in your friendship.


Also, if you think your partner is manipulative or abusive, that person

may go down the path of isolation, planting seeds that your friends

and family want, creating more distance between you and your friend.

All the more reason to approach things delicately.


"Try to talk about it in a loving, factual way with clear examples. It can

also help remind your friend that only he knows what's best for him and

that you'll be there no matter who he hangs out with," explains Leeds.


All this to say that opening a conversation about a friend's partner is

likely to meet with some resistance. Be compassionate, try to stay

calm, and be prepared for a potentially unpleasant reaction.

4. Keep the focus on your friend and your

feelings.


As such, Neo suggests keeping the focus on his friend and how his

partner's behavior is affecting him. If he mentions something unpleasant

his partner has done, you can ask him what he thinks of this behavior

and how he feels.


"It invites conversation and reflection," he explains, rather than

aggressively forcing your opinion on your friend.


If it seems appropriate, you can also ask, "Do you want to know how

I feel about this type of behavior?" That way they invite you to respond,

adds Neo.


5. Don't let them feel pressured.


As difficult as it may be, be patient with your friend as they navigate

the relationship and figure out what's best for them. Even if it seems

like he's starting to realize that his partner isn't ideal, be gentle and

understanding.


As Leeds points out, "The longer and more frequently you talk about

it, the more damaged the friendship will be." She adds that these

conversations can also make your friend uncomfortable talking about

the relationship with you, so the nicer you are about the situation, the

more your friend is likely to stay open and honest with you.


6. Stay calm with the person in question.


You will most likely need to be near your friend's S.O. at one time or

another. In this case, she advises Neo to focus on staying calm,

especially if she suspects that person has a dark personality type,

such as a narcissist.


"They're just waiting for you to change to make you look like a loose

cannon. You may have to get into that mode where being authentic

may not serve you or your friendship," she explains. Try to be courteous,

kind, and dignified. (This is sometimes known as the gray rock method.)


And of course, she adds, you can do whatever you can to avoid

awkward or anger-provoking interactions. In any case, it's a good

opportunity to propose a moment alone with your friend.


7. Accept that he is not under your control.


And finally, unless you want to make yourself sick by stressing about

your friend's relationship, you have to accept the fact that only your

friend can know (and act on) what's really best for them.


No one knows what's really going on in a relationship other than the

people in it, Leeds says, and even if your friend brings up every little

complaint he has with his partner, there could be plenty of good times

he has. do not share with you.


"If we can remember that we're looking at the relationship through a

very limited lens, it's easier to put aside our resentment toward their

partner and trust our friend to handle their relationship as is best for them.


It's not our job to make our choice." a friend's partner, but it's up to

us to support him through the ups and downs of his chosen relationship,”

says Leeds.


The bottom line.

If there is abuse, it is important to strongly encourage your friend to

leave a relationship. In all other cases, he will want to approach the

situation with a delicate balance between discussion and support.


You might end up realizing that this person isn't that bad and makes

your friend happy, but even if your feelings don't change, all you can

do is trust your friend's decisions, be a crate resonance for him when

he does. they need and support them through the ups and downs

that come their way.


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